Gary Crook | artist ALS Fund Life Factoid: I still can’t believe that I (Me!) am the sick person in the room!

The adult Crook's - dated 2011

Gary Crook | artist ALS Fund Life Factoid: I still can’t believe that I (Me!) am the sick person in the room!

My youngest sister just left from a two day visit (BTW there are five of us kids, three girls and two boys - I’m the middle child!…=0).  She traveled all the way from New Jersey with her husband Kevin and their 13 month old daughter Bella. I thank them sincerely for taking the time and effort, but alas I am not good company anymore.  No one can understand me now when I talk - so the conservations are VERY one-sided, I tire very easily and take naps often, and make everyone leave the room when I pee (now I pee in a “urinal” while sitting in my levitating Lay-Z-Boy).  Plus, I keep the house freezing cold because the hot flashes have returned with a vengeance…

Anyway, the time invariably comes for us (whether visiting family or friends) to all say our tearful goodbyes - not knowing if this will really be the last one, and I can’t escape the thought: “I still can’t believe that I (Me!) am the sick person in the room!”

And it’s been that way since my diagnosis.  Don’t get me wrong, I know I have ALS and it’s actually killing me - I’m not kidding myself about that anymore, I’ve definitely hit the Step 5 stage in the The 5 Stages of Loss and Grief: Acceptance.  

But so many times have I been on the other side of the walker, so to speak, and offering MY help, MY condolences and MY thoughts and prayers to the sick person in the room.  Now I’M the sick person in the room and it’s a surreal and emotionally painful experience, to say the least...

I mean this just does not happen to me (besides the occasional cold/flu), I’ve never been “sick” a day in my life - I’m not used to these visits being directed to me. I still can’t believe that I (Me!) am the sick person in the room!  

My disbelief at this reversal, at times, STILL surprises even me - and I'm living it everyday...

~ Gary Crook | artist, Louisville, Kentucky 2014

> If you’d like to donate directly to Gary Crook’s ALS Fund, please go to: http://www.gofundme.com/60j52k